4th of July

I’m literally doing nothing eventful today. The only out of the ordinary thing I did was attend an Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families meeting. I had no idea there were so many out there who came from messed up family backgrounds. It makes me wonder if a normal healthy family even exists. What would one even look like? I can’t even fathom it.

The rest of my exciting day included watching Avatar, posting my usual daily vlog. I’m actually on day 32. I really would like to make my vlogs interesting. I’m trying to figure a way to do that now. I’ll get there. I also ate spaghetti and am now writing this random blog like it’s a journal entry. My Cockatiel Arias sitting on me preening away as I type on my tablet.

Today is one of those days where I’m questioning if LOA, Neville Goddard and doing affirmations work. I have been trying to manifest something and despite everything I have done, I have not seen any results as to if what I’m doing is working. It’s really frustrating, I have no idea if I’m doing something wrong or not. I would think after a certain length of time I would see something by now indicating if I am doing the manifesting correctly.

Having faith that manifesting is just working, doesn’t work for me. Saying the Universe will bring it to you also doesn’t work for me. What is this Universe everyone is talking about. It sounds like a made up God and your desires are granted by it and you have no control or say in anything. It makes no sense to me. There are all of these YouTube manifesting and LOA coaches online and have all of these success stories. They will never post about the people who are failing to get what they want.

So back to the how the hell do you get what you want in a certain time frame. It has to be possible. I think I have tried every method or almost every method out there. I don’t know how anyone can just have faith that they will get they want. What if you’re setting yourself up for failure. That happened to me actually.

There was something I wanted really badly, I believed it would happen and had total faith that it would. The event didn’t happen at all the way I desired it too. It left a scar in me and I still can’t shake it despite trying. For months after the event I was crushed and heartbroken. I was beyond distraught. I won’t say what it was that I wanted to manifest, but it never happened. It’s hard to recover from something like that. I guess ever since then I find it hard to believe that any type of manifesting will work.

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